Passed the ONE YEAR Mark

Its been awhile since I've posted but let me tell you life has been a little hectic.  The good news is we have passed the one year mark and let me tell you it feels good.  Why you ask?  Well the main reason is we will have to endure many less firsts...ex. first Christmas without Dad, first birthday, first fishing season, first hunting season, first well everything.  Much of that is over and while it is still difficult at times things are better.  We have hope, we have healing...we still have each other.  For that reason we decided to get together for the one year anniversary and play some cards, drink some beers and have some fun!

The Ladder to Heaven

The Ladder to Heaven

That final climb up to heaven’s gate

To meet the Lord, you no longer wait.

Jesus took your hand and led you there

Now safe and sound within His care.

I miss you so and wait my turn

With faith and trust in my heart burns.

I’ll see you again but until then

I weep beneath the ladder to Heaven.

-JG

Roger's Twin Brother - Randy

This week would have been Dad's 63rd Birthday on February 5th.  It also marks 4 months since his passing.  I know this week will be difficult for me and those close to him so I thought I'd post a lighthearted story about a time us kids were introduced to Dad's twin brother Randy.

As long as I could remember Dad has always worn glasses and had a mustache, a beautiful mustache.  Anyways, I can't remember our exact ages, but Dad decided he was going to get contacts and what a great time to play a trick on his kids.  Not only did he try out contacts but he shaved his mustache, came and rang the front door bell and had Mom introduce him to us as Dad's twin brother Randy.  All three of us began crying inconsolably until Mom & Dad had to convince us that it was actually Dad standing there and not his twin brother.  This was the one and only time I ever remember seeing Dad without his mustache or glasses.  Soon after he went back to his signature look and stayed that way much to our relief.

Since Dad has passed he has found subtle ways to say hello to me almost every single day.  I catch glimpses of him looking back at me in my son's face/chin.  A memory will pop into my mind of a trip we went on or something silly he would always say.  A song will play on the radio that brings him to mind.  Oddly enough I almost catch the clock at 11:11 or 1:11 every single day and for some reason I think of Dad.  He never seems very far away.  It is hard to explain, but it seems like his accident was so long ago and like it was just yesterday all at the same time.  In church its almost like I can still hear him sitting next to me using his church voice, getting frustrated by how high it is and then lower an octave and switching back and forth.  There are days I am sitting out at the farm and swear he should be walking through the door at any minute and asking what we'd like to have for lunch.  I feel happy, sad and angry all in one.  Happy for the time we had, sad for the time we should have had and angry that we can't have him back.

Grieving is an odd thing because we all do it so differently.  I'm still figuring this whole thing out.  When to be strong, when to be sad, when to hold on, and when to let go...  Most importantly right now I want to focus on being the kind of person Dad would be proud of.  Putting others before myself, being a good parent, loving my husband, and cherishing time with family because I think that truly is how to honor his memory.  That and buying myself an Almond Joy and eating it slowly so I can enjoy it.

Until we meet again, I love you and miss you "Old Man".  Happy Birthday!

Julie G.

Christmas

Julie G- 

As kids Christmas Eve was the same every year.  We would go out to Grandpa and Grandmas, have to sing at church and then go home and open presents!!!  That was our favorite part and after two long church services couldn't ever come fast enough.

I remember always leaving Santa cookies and a diet coke.  Mom always told is that Santa didn't like warm milk that had been sitting out.  So anyways after church we would head home but Dad would want to drive around and look at lights.  Nooooo we just wanted to get home to those presents.  Then we would get home and dad would find some I obnoxious Christmas music and we would be so antsy to open presents.  Finally it was time and one by one we could open them.  

Amazing how the presents are the only detail I barely remember.   Mom and Dad both knew Christmas was so much more than opening presents and I hope that I can pass that along to my kids when they are old enough someday!

Wine Festival Surprise

Julie G. and Sarah S. -

Watertown holds a wine festival each fall at Riverside Park complete with wine tasting.  Cousin Sarah and I decided we needed to go check it out.  I had mentioned to Dad I was meeting Sarah to go and he seemed interested but not enough to tag along. 

So Sarah and I went down and the wine was delicious!  We were about finished with our tasting when we see Dad outside of the gate waving and yelling "SARAH, JULIE!" at the top of his lungs.  So we walked over to him and asked if he was going to do some wine tasting too?  He said that he just came down to check it out, but wasn't actually going to do any tasting.  So we decided since we were about done we would go down to Riverview Water Trap and have 'just one'.  After several, mixed drinks (Dad: Seven and Seven, Sarah: Crown and Coke and Me: Limon and Diet Coke) a photo was in order.  We had just as much fun or more hanging out with Dad as we did at the wine festival!

 

Packer Sundays

Its now been over a month.  I'm not sure if things are getting easier or more difficult with Dad being gone.  I think about him constantly and there are times when it hurts more than others.  There are still little things that send me into crying hysterics and then slowly I get better and remember something funny he has said or done and I can't help but smile. 

I miss our trips, I miss his warm smile, I miss our conversation, I miss everything, but the one thing I really miss is Packer Sundays with Dad.  The funny thing about Dad that I really never thought about until this weekend is that I'm pretty sure that Dad wasn't in love with the Packer's, but of the idea of Packer Sunday.  He did care about them winning, but most of the time he was more concerned with having people over and entertaining while everyone else got to enjoy watching the game.  He would be in the kitchen for the first half of the game making up appetizers (usually cheese, sausage and crackers, a variety of veggies and almost always shrimp) and bringing them out as he was preparing to grill up hamburgers or brats for halftime.  As long as "TOUCHDOWN" was yelled at each score he didn't really even seem to ever be watching the game itself.  He also HATED having to watch commercials so more than once he would have us pause the game to come eat so we could go back and watch the game minus the commercials.  That drove many of us completely insane, but tolerated because Dad didn't give us a choice.

Packer Sundays just don't seem the same anymore.  Not only have the Packer's been terrible these past few weeks and stricken with injury, but the luster and shine that Dad would bring to Packer Sunday now seems dulled.

~ Julie G.

Hodging Things Up

Julie G. -

Two weeks have passed since Dad left us to go up to heaven and we are missing him more than ever.  As time passes I continue to think to myself - "oh I should call Dad and ask him...shoot...never mind".  I wonder if that will ever go away?

A few more memories of Dad have come to mind that I want to share.

Story #1 Control

As kids, especially with two brothers, we were always playing rough and getting into tickle fights.  Being the 1969 State Wrestling Champ, Dad always wanted his kids to be tough (unfortunately for him we are all weenies...but that is besides the point).   One thing I will never forget is picking fights with Dad, and having him grab us by the feet and tickle us mercilessly until we learned control.  That meant that he told us that he should be able to tickle our feet and we should be able to not laugh or squirm.  I remember being so proud when I had finally learned CONTROL and loved torturing others who hadn't yet learned such a thing.

Story #2 Hodging Things Up

There is no doubt my Dad was an excellent cook.  He could grill, cook on stovetop, bake, make an awesome stir fry, and pretty much anything else you can think of.  He loved making new things and including his own additions.  However, from time to time he would add a few "additional" ingredients that would make us ask...WHAAAAATTT are you doing!??

These add-ins which were his standard must go in everything included:

• mushrooms
• onions
• garlic
• peas

These additional ingredients became known as a cooking style called "Hodging Things Up".  Taking a somewhat normal dish and adding the above ingredients even when it didn't make sense.  I remember on more than one occasion scolding him that mushrooms DO NOT belong in Chili, not every dish needs to have peas added into it and that sometimes following a recipe exactly has the best turn out.  He didn't always like to hear this advice, but instead led to him creating his own dishes for everyone else and making a special "Julie-dish" void of onions and peas (probably just to get me to shut up).  I'm going to be honest when I say I have adapted my own Hodged Up way of cooking and almost always add a little flair to recipes that need a little oomph!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you will continue sending me stories that come into your mind as time passes.  No memory is too short or too silly to share.  I will keep them coming as they come to mind.